…The Krang couldn’t be fought. They had to be imprisoned again.
So I kinda, uh… [He looks nervous to admit it.] teleported myself and the Krang back into the Prison Dimension. And I held him there.
And then I had them close the door.
[And then, because he can feel himself zoning out, feel the dark corners of the room pressing in on him, he reaches for his most used coping mechanism.]
It was pretty cool, actually. Big explosion. I even got to drop my new catchphrase. “You’ve been portal-chopped.”
[And there it is. Trapped in a prison with a monster that couldn't be beaten, on top of everything else that had happened. Of course he's having nightmares.]
[He doesn't go for the deflection - the explosion, the catchphrase, the bravado - and stays at the heart of the matter, arm still around Leo's shoulders.]
How long were you there?
[Did anyone get him out, or did he go straight from the prison dimension to this one? How bad is it?]
[Leo shivers, and Huvrye tightens his hold, just a little bit - a light squeeze, and an attempt at comfort.]
[A few minutes. A few minutes in the prison dimension with the Krang, and Leo wakes up screaming and clutching his chest, in the same way Huvrye wakes up clutching his stomach sometimes-]
[He hopes Leo was never injured that badly. He's not going to ask for details.]
I'm glad you're okay.
[It means very little in the face of what Leo's just told him, but it's true nonetheless.]
And I'm sorry that any of that happened. You don't deserve it.
[Leo goes stiff at that, the tension obvious in the set of his shoulders.
He didn’t deserve it?]
But that’s… that’s the thing. I don’t think you get it, but I really, really messed up. [Two reallys.] Everyone died. My brothers died. The whole population of earth died!
[He’s getting really worked up now. But he needs someone to understand. Someone to get how much he did deserve it.
Someone to validate how much he hates himself.]
The only way to avert that was to give up myself and I’d do it again to save them. I’d do it again to fix everything.
[Leo isn't reacting well, but for the first time in this conversation, that's not stopping Huvrye.]
No, I get it.
[He's worked for a genocidal maniac all his life and only just recently realized that everything about it was wrong. There's something to be said about intent - the chasm of difference between Effiom's decisions and Leo's mistakes.]
You made a mistake, you learned what the consequences would be, and you fixed it. You did what a lot of people wouldn't be strong enough to do. You didn't set out to end the world on purpose, and you don't deserve to be tortured over it.
[It's calm and firm. He's not about to let Leo argue with him on this one.]
[Leo shivers against his arm again. Turns what Huvrye is saying over in his head. It doesn't all penetrate, because these walls have been up for a long time, far before he even learned about the Krang, but at the very least, the firm tone helps bring him down, just a little.]
...Well, I was being a jerk on purpose.
[Yeah, obviously he didn't want anything to happen to his family or the world. So that part's true. And maybe being a jerk isn't an offense punishable by torture. At least, he wouldn't say so if it were anyone other than him on the chopping block.
But it's still hard to believe he didn't bring this on himself.]
So at the very least, it had to be me, if it was going to be anyone.
Yeah, but that doesn't usually end the world, and I don't think you would've done it if you'd known. [Intent doesn't change what happened, sure, but the angle seems to be working - if even a little - so Huvrye is sticking with it.]
[It had to be me sits wrong with him. He'd told Leo he didn't deserve what happened, and Leo had argued with him, and brought up his self-sacrifice twice. He doesn't think-]
[Does he?]
Wait, do you think this is all a punishment for your mistake?
[Leo hesitates. If he says yes, he's pretty sure Huvrye won't like that.]
...Maybe not, uh... all this part...
[He waves to indicate the hotel. Or rather, the entire "trapped by the confluence" situation.]
And maybe not... the other thing. [The Prison Dimension.] It's not like the universe conspired to teach me a lesson. [It's not about him. He does know sometimes things just happen.]
But... I guess I feel like I made it up to all of them, by doing that. Paid my dues, or something.
[That hesitation is worrying. What did he think but not say?]
[Huvrye doesn't have time to dig into that before Leo answers. At least he doesn't think it's a punishment, though it's still worrying. He wants to ask - do you think your family would see it that way? - but he doesn't know anything about Leo's family aside from what he's been told. He'd like to think they care about Leo as much as he seems to care about them, but he doesn't know, and he doesn't want to run the risk of making things worse.]
[So he sighs, and tries something else.]
You stopped the apocalypse and put the Krang back in prison. I think you can consider them paid.
[He knows his own nightmares are heavily steeped in guilt; how much are Leo's? Would this even help? He has no idea and no way of knowing without prying.]
[Huvrye doesn't do this often. He doesn't confide in his fellow soldiers as much anymore - not since the Joba's death, and the innate understanding that anyone who really understood how he felt would be staying away from him for their own safety - and when he did, or when they talked to him, the shared theme was fighting the Corrupted. It was awful, but everyone was coming from the same place. The only teenager he'd tried to help was Yin, and their bond made things complicated and unique, and at least they had the context of the same world. He's not prepared for this, beyond the bounds of what compassion and experience with trauma provide him.]
[But he can read that bit of desperation in Leo's eyes, and it strikes him very suddenly that there are a lot of wrong answers to this question, and he has no idea if there are any right ones, or how many, or if they even exist, let alone whether he'd recognize one if he came across one. All he can do is try, and hope he makes all of this better, not worse.]
Yeah, I don't see why not.
[That's not going to be good enough, is it.]
But if they are settled, that means you don't need to beat yourself up over it anymore.
[It's obvious, but nobody ever accused Huvrye of being subtle. Plus, maybe Leo needs to hear it plainly for it to sink in. That was on me; I really, really messed up; it had to be me - Leo needs to stop sinking a knife into that wound, and maybe this will help. Maybe.]
[Or maybe he's found one of the many wrong answers and this will only make it worse. He has no way of knowing yet.]
[A small sort of relief sweeps through Leo at that, and he slumps a little closer into Huvrye. He knows that Huvrye can't promise him that he won't go back to the Prison Dimension, that he'll get to go home, because he doesn't have any power over that. But those words - you don't need to beat yourself up - sink into him enough to lighten the vice on his heart, just a bit.
It may not be enough to completely remove the guilt, it may not stop the nightmares, but maybe he can be allowed to ease up on himself a little.
[He hesitates. On one hand, going back to his empty room now feels completely unappealing. Leo is so unused to being alone that it drives him crazy; the only thing keeping him from going completely out of his mind is being able to hear other people in other rooms, or out in the hallways, on occasion.
On the other hand, he doesn't really want to put Huvrye out. It's not his job to deal with Leo and his bad brain. Even if he's done a pretty good job of it so far.
Still, Huvrye is offering. If he's offering, that means he doesn't mind, right?]
[Mark had protested the first time Huvrye had insisted he take it, so he's already prepared to argue the point to Leo.]
I don't actually need to sleep every night - it's a fairy thing - and I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyway. Plus, you'll sleep better on the bed than the couch.
[Something about the beds being enchanted for better sleep, according to the hotel. Regardless, Huvrye has more nightmares on the couch than he does the bed, and he doesn't think that's a coincidence.]
[He’s ready to push back as soon as Huvrye says it, but he’s ready for Leo’s objections before he can even voice them. So he doesn’t have to sleep every night? Man, that’s so lucky.
Assuming he’s telling the truth about it. Leo doesn’t know why he would lie, though, unless he’s trying to escape the nightmares too.
He’s too tired to think too hard about it.]
…Okay. If you’re sure. I don’t wanna put you out.
[Admittedly kind of a weird thing to say to a guy he stole food from multiple times, but there’s times Leo is bratty for attention and times he’d rather not be an inconvenience.]
[Zero hesitation. It's not the first time he's offered his bed to a friend, and it won't be the last.]
Are you ready to give it a try, or do you want a little more time to settle?
[Huvrye won't budge on Leo sleeping here or taking the bed - and it looks like Leo's not arguing that anyway - but he will give Leo the wiggle room to make his own choices in the leadup. The last thing he wants is for Leo to fall right back into the nightmare because it's fresh in his mind when he goes to bed.]
[It's still just a little too fresh, and Leo is afraid that the second he closes his eyes for more than a blink he'll see it all again.
He'll try, he will. Because he knows Huvrye won't let him get away without it, because he knows he's too tired to fight for long anyway. But he just wants to take some time.]
Do you want to talk, or do you want to put something on?
[He's noticed that late-night TV can get a little weird - at least as far as his underdeveloped metric for TV goes - but as far as a distraction goes, he doesn't think Leo will mind.]
[He reaches for the remote and turns the TV on. Whatever had been on before has turned to those weird advertisements that last for half an hour, so he flips through channels until he finds the food channel. It's some chef with a deep southern accent halfway through making something; Huvrye is pretty sure this isn't one of the ones prone to yelling, so it should be fine. He puts the remote back down.]
If you need anything, tell me, okay?
[Hopefully Leo would anyway, but he doesn't think the reminder would be amiss right now.]
[It's an acknowledgement at least. For now he doesn't ask for anything, just lets his head flop back against Huvrye's arm so he can settle in. He's not really watching the TV, but the gentle talking and the sound of things cooking is enough to mellow him back out.
He'll make it for maybe thirty or forty minutes before he's sagging a little harder into Huvrye. It might be about time to try that sleep thing again.]
[He lets Leo rest against him as the chef talks and cooks, and he lets his mind wander a bit. He doesn't care much about the cooking show; he's mostly just worried about Leo. He agreed to stay the night, and he's calming down; for now, that's all Huvrye can do for him. He knows there's no easy solution to Leo's nightmares, but hopefully being here for him - hopefully Leo knowing that he's no longer alone in dealing with this - will help. Hopefully.]
[The chef is plating the dish when Leo slumps a bit - looks like he's starting to fall asleep. Good. Huvrye squeezes his shoulder gently.]
Time for bed.
[He'll give Leo the chance to make it there under his own power; if he doesn't wake up enough to walk, or doesn't look steady when he does, then Huvrye will carry him.]
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[Especially since it sounds like Krang corruption isn't permanent, which is a miracle in and of itself.]
[But the story isn't over. It can't be - there's a chunk missing, and something tells Huvrye that's where the nightmare resides.]
How? What did you do?
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So I kinda, uh… [He looks nervous to admit it.] teleported myself and the Krang back into the Prison Dimension. And I held him there.
And then I had them close the door.
[And then, because he can feel himself zoning out, feel the dark corners of the room pressing in on him, he reaches for his most used coping mechanism.]
It was pretty cool, actually. Big explosion. I even got to drop my new catchphrase. “You’ve been portal-chopped.”
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[He doesn't go for the deflection - the explosion, the catchphrase, the bravado - and stays at the heart of the matter, arm still around Leo's shoulders.]
How long were you there?
[Did anyone get him out, or did he go straight from the prison dimension to this one? How bad is it?]
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[He shivers under Huvrye’s arm, contradicting his light tone.]
If it hadn’t been for the Alliance healers I’d still be one giant bruise right now.
[Does that answer his question?]
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[A few minutes. A few minutes in the prison dimension with the Krang, and Leo wakes up screaming and clutching his chest, in the same way Huvrye wakes up clutching his stomach sometimes-]
[He hopes Leo was never injured that badly. He's not going to ask for details.]
I'm glad you're okay.
[It means very little in the face of what Leo's just told him, but it's true nonetheless.]
And I'm sorry that any of that happened. You don't deserve it.
[Also very, very true.]
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He didn’t deserve it?]
But that’s… that’s the thing. I don’t think you get it, but I really, really messed up. [Two reallys.] Everyone died. My brothers died. The whole population of earth died!
[He’s getting really worked up now. But he needs someone to understand. Someone to get how much he did deserve it.
Someone to validate how much he hates himself.]
The only way to avert that was to give up myself and I’d do it again to save them. I’d do it again to fix everything.
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No, I get it.
[He's worked for a genocidal maniac all his life and only just recently realized that everything about it was wrong. There's something to be said about intent - the chasm of difference between Effiom's decisions and Leo's mistakes.]
You made a mistake, you learned what the consequences would be, and you fixed it. You did what a lot of people wouldn't be strong enough to do. You didn't set out to end the world on purpose, and you don't deserve to be tortured over it.
[It's calm and firm. He's not about to let Leo argue with him on this one.]
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...Well, I was being a jerk on purpose.
[Yeah, obviously he didn't want anything to happen to his family or the world. So that part's true. And maybe being a jerk isn't an offense punishable by torture. At least, he wouldn't say so if it were anyone other than him on the chopping block.
But it's still hard to believe he didn't bring this on himself.]
So at the very least, it had to be me, if it was going to be anyone.
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[It had to be me sits wrong with him. He'd told Leo he didn't deserve what happened, and Leo had argued with him, and brought up his self-sacrifice twice. He doesn't think-]
[Does he?]
Wait, do you think this is all a punishment for your mistake?
no subject
...Maybe not, uh... all this part...
[He waves to indicate the hotel. Or rather, the entire "trapped by the confluence" situation.]
And maybe not... the other thing. [The Prison Dimension.] It's not like the universe conspired to teach me a lesson. [It's not about him. He does know sometimes things just happen.]
But... I guess I feel like I made it up to all of them, by doing that. Paid my dues, or something.
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[Huvrye doesn't have time to dig into that before Leo answers. At least he doesn't think it's a punishment, though it's still worrying. He wants to ask - do you think your family would see it that way? - but he doesn't know anything about Leo's family aside from what he's been told. He'd like to think they care about Leo as much as he seems to care about them, but he doesn't know, and he doesn't want to run the risk of making things worse.]
[So he sighs, and tries something else.]
You stopped the apocalypse and put the Krang back in prison. I think you can consider them paid.
[He knows his own nightmares are heavily steeped in guilt; how much are Leo's? Would this even help? He has no idea and no way of knowing without prying.]
no subject
The words he does say, though, make Leo actually pause. He looks back at Huvrye, a bit of a desperate glint in his eyes.]
Yeah? Paid in full?
[Because if he's done enough, then it's over, right? If it's over, then maybe he can go home. Well, once he finds a way out of this place, of course.
(He just wants to go home.)]
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[But he can read that bit of desperation in Leo's eyes, and it strikes him very suddenly that there are a lot of wrong answers to this question, and he has no idea if there are any right ones, or how many, or if they even exist, let alone whether he'd recognize one if he came across one. All he can do is try, and hope he makes all of this better, not worse.]
Yeah, I don't see why not.
[That's not going to be good enough, is it.]
But if they are settled, that means you don't need to beat yourself up over it anymore.
[It's obvious, but nobody ever accused Huvrye of being subtle. Plus, maybe Leo needs to hear it plainly for it to sink in. That was on me; I really, really messed up; it had to be me - Leo needs to stop sinking a knife into that wound, and maybe this will help. Maybe.]
[Or maybe he's found one of the many wrong answers and this will only make it worse. He has no way of knowing yet.]
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It may not be enough to completely remove the guilt, it may not stop the nightmares, but maybe he can be allowed to ease up on himself a little.
Maybe accept the comfort being offered to him.]
...Yeah. I guess that is what it would mean.
[It's about the best he can muster right now.]
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[And then Leo speaks, and...evidently it was a right answer, or something close enough to it. Thank goodness.]
Yeah.
[He lets that settle for a bit before speaking up again.]
I think you should stay here tonight.
[Huvrye can't prevent Leo's nightmares, but he can at least make sure Leo doesn't have to deal with them alone.]
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On the other hand, he doesn't really want to put Huvrye out. It's not his job to deal with Leo and his bad brain. Even if he's done a pretty good job of it so far.
Still, Huvrye is offering. If he's offering, that means he doesn't mind, right?]
...You don't mind me taking your couch?
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[Mark had protested the first time Huvrye had insisted he take it, so he's already prepared to argue the point to Leo.]
I don't actually need to sleep every night - it's a fairy thing - and I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyway. Plus, you'll sleep better on the bed than the couch.
[Something about the beds being enchanted for better sleep, according to the hotel. Regardless, Huvrye has more nightmares on the couch than he does the bed, and he doesn't think that's a coincidence.]
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Assuming he’s telling the truth about it. Leo doesn’t know why he would lie, though, unless he’s trying to escape the nightmares too.
He’s too tired to think too hard about it.]
…Okay. If you’re sure. I don’t wanna put you out.
[Admittedly kind of a weird thing to say to a guy he stole food from multiple times, but there’s times Leo is bratty for attention and times he’d rather not be an inconvenience.]
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[Zero hesitation. It's not the first time he's offered his bed to a friend, and it won't be the last.]
Are you ready to give it a try, or do you want a little more time to settle?
[Huvrye won't budge on Leo sleeping here or taking the bed - and it looks like Leo's not arguing that anyway - but he will give Leo the wiggle room to make his own choices in the leadup. The last thing he wants is for Leo to fall right back into the nightmare because it's fresh in his mind when he goes to bed.]
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[It's still just a little too fresh, and Leo is afraid that the second he closes his eyes for more than a blink he'll see it all again.
He'll try, he will. Because he knows Huvrye won't let him get away without it, because he knows he's too tired to fight for long anyway. But he just wants to take some time.]
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[He doesn't move his arm from Leo's shoulders.]
Do you want to talk, or do you want to put something on?
[He's noticed that late-night TV can get a little weird - at least as far as his underdeveloped metric for TV goes - but as far as a distraction goes, he doesn't think Leo will mind.]
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[In fact he should probably drink some more water, but he doesn't feel like getting up himself or asking Huvrye to move.]
You can turn something on.
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[He reaches for the remote and turns the TV on. Whatever had been on before has turned to those weird advertisements that last for half an hour, so he flips through channels until he finds the food channel. It's some chef with a deep southern accent halfway through making something; Huvrye is pretty sure this isn't one of the ones prone to yelling, so it should be fine. He puts the remote back down.]
If you need anything, tell me, okay?
[Hopefully Leo would anyway, but he doesn't think the reminder would be amiss right now.]
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[It's an acknowledgement at least. For now he doesn't ask for anything, just lets his head flop back against Huvrye's arm so he can settle in. He's not really watching the TV, but the gentle talking and the sound of things cooking is enough to mellow him back out.
He'll make it for maybe thirty or forty minutes before he's sagging a little harder into Huvrye. It might be about time to try that sleep thing again.]
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[The chef is plating the dish when Leo slumps a bit - looks like he's starting to fall asleep. Good. Huvrye squeezes his shoulder gently.]
Time for bed.
[He'll give Leo the chance to make it there under his own power; if he doesn't wake up enough to walk, or doesn't look steady when he does, then Huvrye will carry him.]
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